"THE ONLY JOURNEY IS THE JOURNEY WITHIN"

We all have lives that are discrete from the ones we show the others. We are so tattered in our souls and we are so torn at hearts that we can’t save ourselves from being another men or women to the others, eventhough we try hard not to be.

We have a strange foreignness for our own souls. Indeed, we are somehow out of our own souls. We aren’t able to rake up our own souls -just like we can’t do the same for everything we own-, so that we have to comprehend things looking at the others…
Unfortunately, we find our solutions and answers only in the problems and questions of another people. “What would I do, if I were”s, “what would I say by then”s let us know ourselves. Here, at these times –when we analyze others-, we meet the idea of “we are one of the others”, one of the others that are torn, that are broken. We see only by then that people know us in a different way from the way we know ourselves. Furthermore, different people know us in different ways.
We are all in pieces. When we assume that we wander in the world spontaneousnessly, we make a different semblance to others. Even the times we most agree with the idea that “I am myself”.

However, there are some of us…
Some of us that are aware of theirselves,
Some of us that go into their souls still in a impartial way.
And in my opinion, it is just so certain that those ones are the ones who suffer more.
The ones who really know what their souls desire, the ones who really know why their souls have pain. The ones who know themselves...

"THERE IS NO HAPPY LOVE", ARAGON SAYS...

And here a scrumptious poem!

My favorite poem of Louis Aragon, one of his poems he had written for his lover, - also a writer- Elsa Triolet.

Translated from the original French poem by Louis Aragon (1946):

Man never truly possesses anything

Neither his strength, nor his weakness, nor his heart

And when he opens his arms

His shadow is that of a cross

And when he tries to embrace happiness

He crushes it

His life is a strange and painful divorce

There is no happy love

His life resembles those soulless soldiers

Who have been groomed for a different fate

Why should they rise in the morning
When nighttime finds them disarmed, uncertain

Say these words and hold back your tears

There is no happy love

My beautiful love, my dear love, my torn heart

I carry you in me like a wounded bird

Those who unknowingly watch us walk by

Repeat after me my words and sigh

They have already died in your bright eyes

There is no happy love

By the time we learn to live

It’s already too late

Our hearts cry in unison at night

It takes many a misfortune for the simplest song

Many regrets to pay for a thrill

Many a tear for a guitar’s melody

There is no happy love

There is no love which is not pain

There is no love which does not bruise

There is no love which does not fade

And none that is greater than your love for your country

There is no love which does not live from tears

There is no happy love

But it is our own love

I just miss. -you know..

Missing someone feels like the earth crumbles beneath you.. You are falling with nothing to grab, and it comes when you don't expect it, and it never stops coming.


I miss.
I miss someone I don't wish to see.
I just miss. -you know..
And it feels like the earth crumbles beneath me.. and it never stops crumbling.

I miss.
I miss feeling the love that one had for me.
I just miss. -you know..
At heart,I miss the kind of love I had the most.

I miss.
I miss all we used to be.
I just miss. -you know..
Yet,I mostly miss the future we could have.., but will never have.

THE ANGEL IS GONE

Closing my eyes and and envisioning the flashbacks...
I never thought they would persecute like this. It is not just wishing to turn back the hands of time. It is not just because of missing those seconds. It is not because of I know I will never have them again.
I wish I could turn back the hands of time,
I miss every single second of it immensely,
I know I will never have the same feeling of that happiness again.
Yet, they don't hurt me at all. It's the reality of life in a way.
Nevertheless, something hurts me genuinely, in troth something gives me pain which also makes me afraid of the future, of what I might go through in times to come. Questioning things, not to find out the answer, being in a quandary and then giving up on trying to find out the asnwers...
All starts with asking "were they real?" and then asking "why?".

There was a kid who loved the toys more than anything in life, but she had no toys..., until an angel seemed in her life. The angel gave her everything that made the little kid chuffed and bless. She, then had everything that a kid would like to have. As the time went by, she realized that she didn't love the angel because of it gave her things that made her happy. She loved the angel even more than all the toys. She adored the angel for making her happy and making her life amazing.
The angel made her connected itself so much that she felt like she could live without the toys, but not without the angel anymore.
She wanted to be just like the angel, but no one else.
The most important thing is, she felt like the angel loved her so much, more than anyone could love.
She was merry, because the angel was always going to be with her, never going to leave.
She was tranquil, because she was safe; she knew she always had a place to hide when she was hurt- angel's arms.
...But then one day, the angel left. The angel left her with all the toys it gave to her. The angel left leaving behind every little thing that it gave to her. With no explanation.
The girl lost what she valued most. She felt "alone".
She wanted to escape. Escaping from all the things that the angel gave her, escaping from all the things that remind her of the angel. She wanted to run, she wanted to shout, she wanted to cry out loud. However, she did not. Then she wanted to face the angel, but the angel was somewhere distant, where the little kid could never go.

("were the angel and all the things it did real or not?"
-It must have been real, because I don't think a lie can last that long and I don't think a lie has the power to make someone so chuffed and bless.
-It can't be real, because if it was real (if the angel's love was real), the angel would never leave her, the angel would like to witness every second of the little kid would have in her life.

"Why did angel leave if it really loved the kid so?"
.... )


The little kid sometimes reminisces things, closes her eyes and then feels a huge hole in her life, in her mind and in her heart which will never be filled. However, she believes that angels exist. It's maybe all about to recongnize if they are real angels or not.

(it is exactly not written considering a love story.)

LET IT RAIN...

September 12,09

What I am feeling is not happiness when it rains. "serenity"... Yeah, I guess it's the way rain makes me feel.

I am not afraid of life or the future when I see it rains. Because I know whatever happens, there can be something that will put a smile on my face anytime, just like the rain drops do. Like miracles... I believe each day has its own miracles which can change things, feelings and even lives.

Today I woke up from a bad dream. I was in a miserable mood. I went to the bath and stayed under the shower as long as I could, knowing blobs on my body has the power to make me feel better, alive. Then, I played some songs, all slow, all blue, all gloomy songs. It was going to rain -i knew, the rain drops were going to pour from the sky which is dark and unlimited. This feeling made me feel that way, tremulous...

I felt like if it rains, I will get out of all the things that make me down.

The rain drops that will fall down from the sky will be my tears I keep inside. As they get faster, my tears will be poured faster, for every second I have succeed not to let my tears out before. As the rain drops make harsher sound, I will remember everyone who hurt me, everyone who broke my heart and scream as the thunder makes people afraid and ask it "..." (something i'm dying to know)

...and then it rained.

SO MUCH TO QUESTION

To the couples who tell that they have always been in love with each other:

Is love a feeling?
Is it passion?
Is it related witg logic and mind?
Or is it a form of sex?
Does love keep promises?
Does love mean to give promises?
Have you promised each other to "be together till the end of time"?
Have you ever doubted of this promise?
Have you ever cheated on each other?
Have you always been sure of your love?
Haven't you ever thought that you sacrificed your life?
Have you always been pleased?
Have you ever regretted?
Haven't you ever scared of regretting one day?
Hasn't anyone confused you?
Hasn't the world strangled you?
How did you bear?
Which of these questions are more important to you?
(To me?)
Which one do I actually wonder?
Do I ask that much because of I am sure that I won't find out the answers?
Do my questions interest you?
Why do I ask all these?
Is growing up something like this?