Here is the last blog of 2009!

Wow! How fast one more year has passed!... It's quite unbeliveable to believe it has been one year. Nevertheless, it's right when it's said time flies!

I of course remember the new year eve in last year. It was pretty true that I have entered 2009 with the ones I love. -Okay, not all was the ones I love. Anyhow, it was pretty ok. I am still wondering how this one is going to be like.

"We all get at least one good wish in a year over the candles on our birthday. Some of us throw in more, on eyelashes, fountains, lucky stars. And every now and then, one of those wishes come true. So what then? Is it as good as we hoped? Do we bask in the warm glow of our happiness or do we just notice we’ve got a long list of other wishes waiting to be wished? "

We also have wishes when it's to be a new year. New wishes, incoming decisions, ingoing hopes... One of our wishes will come true, one of our decisions will be performed, one of our hopes will be actualized. And then? Will we be aware of it? Even we are, will we be grateful for we are among the lucky ones or will we just keep on complaining about we have a lot left? Probably and unfortunately, we will be doing the last one. -I won't be one of them. None of us should be. I wise up to my hopes, wishes and decisions, I wise up to my dream. I know I will have the power to make them real and I can't wait to lie back and bask in the warm glow of my happiness! :)

They say we are to be with the ones whoever we enter the new year with during the new year.... I guess I am one of them who believes in it(: Despite of not knowing what tomorrow night will bring, I am curios about it though!

One more thing! While entering the new year, I have one important voice in my head. And it's to make myself happy even if nobody will be around or with whoever will be around. Letting people make you sad won't get any of us too far. Here I am repeating again that in the end we are all we have and that has to be enough, there is no other way. So why not letting them make you sad??!?? Have the ones who deserve the value you give them! I guess I have had quite enough of it this year :)

Whatever! 2009 wasn't like how I expected it to be; but I am hoping that I will have changed a lot of things by this time next year.

For the ones I love and care about, I wish new year will bring happiness, success and love to all! <3

P.S: I am also hoping to have better and more blogs in the coming year :)))

A TRIP ALONG LYRICS

"There are some hurts that you never completely get over. And you think time will diminish their presence and to a degree...it does. But it still hurts, because, well...hurt hurts."

I was really believing in the idea that human being's brain is enough to do everything it wants to. I truly thought so. But here is a question: are we able to get over anything that hurts us? The truth is we can't. Not all... I guess George Micheal has been right when he said "there is no comfort in the truth, pain is all you will find". We all try to get over things. For real, we do. Yet, to a degree...

The story goes on like this. Firstly, we face the pain. Our first reaction might be keen. On the contrary, it might be taciturn though. It's mostly up to the time, person and the problem etc. However, it hurts like hell. Nobody knows, unless we tell. Nobody understands, unless we explain. Nobody realizes, unless we show. Yet, it hurts and it's just us who feels it. Or we rebel, we scream, we cry out loud. In both ways, at the end, we start forgetting (thanks to time!). We move on, go back to the normal, routine life. When we really complete to convince ourselves that we are over it, something happens. A song? Yeah, we might hear a song and it makes us feel like it has never done before... Let reminiscing start! Or we see someone who looks like.... whoever has hurt us before. People sometimes might look like they're twins, right? Maybe just a memory... I mean we can't just control our brains so that we could remember only the things that we like. Surely, memories are the worst part. Like Gwen Stefani says "our memories... they can be inviting; but some are altogether mighty frightening". So true!

Whatever, what I am trying to tell is we just can't escape. Despite of trying hard to forget about things, we all remember them at the end. A song, a photo, a person, a memory.... or it's just us... that reminds us what makes us sad.

Above all, some things are worth to be lived, eventhough they hurt. For instance, love. It's just the ones that we love who can hurt us. For, they are the ones we care about. However, I suppose I am someone who agrees with Incubus about something and here it's "love hurts but sometimes it's a good hurt and it feels like I am alive" . On the other hand, it's true. We wouldn't have been aware of the value of life and happy moments, if we hadn't had pain ever. So, being hurt is a sign that shows that we are alive? (: Anyhow, just "tell that someone that you love just what you are thinking of, if tomorrow never comes" like I am quite sure Garth Brooks does.

Also, about telling people what we are thinking of... I have always appreciated people who are open to anyone. I don't mean honesty or sincerity. It's just we should always have it on our minds that life's short. What we have today or who we have today might not exist tomorrow. It's not that hard to pour the words "you mean a lot to me", "I really care about you", or "I love you". I wonder how many people have missed the chance to say these words to another and have regretted afterwards. Surely, a lot. Let's move on before it's too late. Morevover, if this moment isn't too late for you, you are among the lucky ones(:

However, I guess there are times that words can't heal things. It's so weird that sometimes those meaningful words mean nothing; because they are poured from a one's mouth that has really hurt before so that your life has been affected badly. It's so weird that someone that you loved like hell before can later make you pray for not remembering anything about them. It's so weird that someone you have shared a lot is now nowhere in your life. Like it is said in one of the Avenged Sevefold's songs, they might after sing like "..cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again", but it means nothing to us. Because we probably wouldn't feel any remorse by then, while they deal with theirs... Maybe for we have already walked away...

By the way, walking away? It's a must, if someone really hurts on purpose. What if someone really needs you to walk away... I don't know if it's right or wrong to stay, when we are told to walk away directly or indirectly...Still, if someone wishes someone to leave, to stay will be ridiculous. There might be problems, we might try to solve... However, if someone tells that it's for nothing to try... Why staying more? There are of course stereotype words, too. If we hear someone telling us they just don't want to hurt anymore, they can't change the way they are, they are not good for us or they don't deserve us. There is one thing they want to tell and it is "walk away"... If someone doesn't want to hurt you anymore, then they will not again by healing the old wounds and not causing any more. If someone really doesn't want to lose you, they'll change for you. If someone thinks that they aren't good enough for you, then they will try to be good for you and to deserve you. It has always been like this. So if you hear someone wanting to walk away because of those reasons, let them do that. An old song of Mattafix that I indeed like: "you should know I had to let you go. Now and forever more, I am out of reach".

It's life. Money, people, love... We gain, we lose. Like a vicious circle. Yet, don't forget that in the end you are all you have and that has to be enough, there is no other way.

Let me end this writing with really some meaningful lyrics of John Legend:

"...Everybody knows that nobody really knows how to make it work or how to ease the hurt. We have heard it all before, everybody knows just how to make it right"...

IF

IF

It is not that important to leave and go

if it didn't leave gaps behind that are impossible to fill.
Even the big separations are not that hard to endure,
if they were started at the best moment.

Crying is not something to be ashamed of,
if the tears are coming from the heart.

Stealing is not disgraceful,

if it is the heart of somebody that is stolen.

Love has nothing to be afraid of,
if one could get rid of all skins.

A known voice would not make one so upset,
if it was never heard.

The leakproof embraces would perhaps be forgotten more easily,
if they were not wrapped with passionate love.

The big hazel eyes would head to uncertainty as time passes,
if they didn't look so crazy.

It would perhaps be easy to forget the burning taste of a wet kiss,
if the heart did not press on the rib cage that hard.

The long night conversations could be replaced by something else,

if the last cigarette was not shared breath by breath.

It wouldn't snow even on the dreams,
if the fears had not wounded love in the battles.

Time, still as if it will never pass, would fly like an arrow,
if the one that's worth waiting for would come at the end.

Even the color of the hair in the dreams would fade away with time,
if their inexpressible smell had not stuck on the pillows.
Even that huge, that splendid end, death, would lose its meaning,
If everything worth living was already lived.
Loneliness would not be that unbearable,
If the final glimmer of hope had not faded away.
The spring sun perhaps would not heat this much,
if life did not start again after every loss.
It would perhaps not be necessary to smoke before breakfast,
if a giant wave of longing did not challenge.
Maybe the thin waist would remain in memories,
if even the shameless tea was not given in a thin-waisted glass.
Sleeplessness would not ruin that badly right after short naps,
if the silk skin to touch was not that far away.
Even a jobless home could turn to paradise maybe,
if it was heated by a warm smile.
Poems with the taste of aged wine would not feel as poor,
if there was someone to whisper them to.
It would perhaps not be possible to believe that every love hides a separation deep inside,
if it did not have on its calling card the label 'first degree perpetrator of so many separations'.
Daisies would not really look down,
if they did not have their shares from your betrayal.
Coasts would not surrender to solitude,
if you did not try to console yourself with aimless strolls on your own faint coasts.

I will be alone after you go.
and I am not afraid of being alone,
but what if I want to hold your hands...

Yes sweetheart,
Who would miss the smell of the sweat inside your palms,
who would want to lie along your thin fingers,
if these eyes had not witnessed a splendid period in their past.

What if one can still feel alone when there are a lot of people around?

It is really weird to have people around but still to feel lonely, or something like loneliness...

And here, at this point, people around us can be divided into 4 groups.

First group are the ones who you aren't close with. They don't care about you at all, just like they don't mean much to you, neither.

And in the second group, there are the ones who are actually close to you. They are just over there for life. You can tell them everything, they make their best to make you feel better and they are pretty able to do that. However, sometimes eventhough when these people are around, you still feel lonely. I don't know the reason for it, but it just happens sometimes, a temporary progress that your heart refuses the people who loves you, so it continues to feel lonely.

There is another group of people which makes you worse even when you feel lonely or bad. These are the ones who are supposed to be with you any time in any mood of you, but they don't. It usually hurts you more than any problem does. Also, these are the times you usually don't know for what to feel sorry. For those ones aren't beside you or for you feel lonely?

And the last group... We can call it as the "forbidden ones". These are the ones who aren't supposed to be there for you anytime, but somehow they are and you know that they are always going to be.

"There are millons of people in the world, and the spirits will see that most of them, you never have to meet. but there are one or two that you are tied to, and the spirits will cross you back and forth, threading so many knots until they catch and you finally get it right. " And these ones are the ones whose you are tied to. You feel they will be there forever and ever. Somehow you believe in their words. Somehow, you feel that they just have power to feel your soul and read your mind. Neverthless, still somehow..,they are the forbidden ones...